I was walking today and thinking of my work-out. More specifically, I was thinking of my current marathon training and what little - if any - excitement i get from my runs. And I said to myself, quoting my physical therapist, "you just haven't found the right activity that motivates you ".... and I realized that phrase "you just havent found..." has been uttered in so many iterations for me:
you just haven't found the right job
you just haven't found the right guy
you just haven't found the right agency
you just haven't found that right motivation
and a small flash of anger fills me b/c I think - jeez, what the hell have i been doing all these years? If in 32 years, I haven't found (insert subject here), what makes me think I'll find it now? If I'm no more closer to finding MYSELF, what wasted days have passed me by?
Where do I even start? What part of the equation do I try to figure out - if it's all a sweater, what's the missing thread that will help bring it all together? And really, how plausible is it to find it now?
It's been 32 years, and I just havent found much of anything.
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